OK, so this came out this week – the teaser image of Aquaman from the upcoming Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice movie:
I’m told the actor’s from that Thrones show or something. It’s possibly he’s really tall. I think that show has a really short guy in it too. Is that diversity? I haven’t seen it, because I’m too busy keeping track of other pop culture, mostly in the form of really bad movies that I know nobody in my house will want to watch so I can enjoy things on my own weird schedule.
ANYWAY.
I guess it’s exciting? Aquaman gets a lot of flack for being relatively useless (he can swim and talk to fish, blah blah) but as with all things it comes down to how he’s written. And do you know how he’s written?
As a total jerk. Observe:
Yeah, that’s Aquaman using his fish mind-control powers to bring all the fish into a cove, and then he’s telling some fishermen to go there and kill them all. And it’s not a trap for the fishermen, and you can see even they’re like, “dude, what the hell?” because they’ve got that “!?” at the end of their sentence.
Nobody thinks a lot about what Atlanteans eat, but part of me always assumed they’d be more into mosses and stuff. OK, maybe not everyone, but mathematically speaking, I figured Aquaman wouldn’t be eating fish, because if I ate fish and had the ability to tell them what to do, I’d be sitting on my aqua-couch all day with food just floating into my mouth. I’d have a massive aqua-gut pretty quickly, is what I’m saying, and while Aquaman’s design varies, as you can see from the movie picture it tends towards the other side of the BMI continuum.
Now, DC has a pretty horrible track record with movie sequels where they try to put more and more characters in it, and we’re seeing the same thing happening with Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, where it started as a Superman sequel, and then they added Batman right there in the title, and there are reports of Wonder Woman and Cyborg and Aquaman and who knows who else getting some screen time, so unless it’s 47 hours long there probably isn’t going to be enough time for a lengthy Aquaman dietary subplot, but I’d like to see at least a little bit where his secret identity is as a sushi chef. A really, really big jerk of a sushi chef.