Today’s Bachelor University lesson was going to be “if you don’t cook, you don’t have to clean”, but somehow matter is spontaneously appearing in my dining area in some twisted perversion of Einstein’s theories. If only we could find a way to generate power from the mess as it grows…
I have a hard enough time managing the differences between my HT persona and my day to day “guy who works at a desk” guise, so the overlaps are tricky. The biggest confusion comes from working at TVA, which ironically is where Herman Thrust was born. They generally frown on the name when I’m dealing with the public, and the word “porn” is mildly out of the question. At the same time, I act more in Thrust mode when I’m there, even though I’m officially not acting in a Thrust capacity. I liken it to those times when Batman would “disguise himself” as Bruce Wayne in an elaborate plot to catch a super villain. Anyway, non-Thrust was recently interviewed about vegetarianism “from a youth perspective”. That’s right, one of me has become the voice of vegetarian youth. I don’t even know which one of me did it, because we’re all pretty old, but I don’t have the energy to invent a new personality right now.
Also coming soon: the closest Herman Thrust will likely ever come to a personal appearance at the TVA Food Fair: I’m going to be the MC for the fashion show. Anyone who knows me will understand how funny that is. I’m a guy who has to pay attention to what the mannequins are wearing so I can figure out what to wear with a new shirt. I have to ask if something goes with black pants. I only shop in stores that have a clear division between the men and women’s sections, because I might accidentally end up getting something completely incorrect and not actually realize it. No, I’m not talking about thongs, but here’s a sample conversation with a store clerk:
Clerk: Hi, can I help you find anything?
Me: Pants.
Clerk: Ok, are these for work, or casual, or clubbing…
Me: Pants. I need pants.
Clerk: Ok… Is there a colour you’re looking for?
Me: Pants like these. (pointing to legs)
Clerk: Sir, you’re wearing a kilt.
So yeah, I’m the MC of the fashion show. Nothing to fear. I’m already the voice of vegetarian youth. Next up, I intend to become an opera singer.
You can be assured of one thing though: there will be emphasis on pants during the show.