Here’s the kind of fun that I get to deal with: we just sat down to watch some Simpsons and enjoy some of AngelA’s sloppy joes when the phone rings. Here’s an approximate transcript:
me: Hello?
some guy: Hi, can I speak to [Herman]?
It doesn’t sound like a telemarketer…
me: Speaking…
some guy: Hi, this is Brandon.
I don’t know any Brandons…do I?
*Pause*
Brandon: I was just visiting your adult website.
Cold chill down spine. Someone I don’t know is calling me at home about VP. I can’t think of a single scenario where this could go well.
me: ok…
Brandon: I sell a brand of penis enlarging pills and run ads on over a hundred websites. If you run one of them, you’ll find you get a lot more hits.
Ok, this is some strange phone spam. Way strange phone spam. How can running an ad give ME more traffic? And more importantly, why would the guy want to run the ads on a vegan site?
me: You’re actually serious?
Brandon: Oh yeah, you’ll get hundreds more hits.
me: No, I mean you actually want me to run an ad for penis enlarging pills?
Brandon: Yeah, they’re really great.
me: So you’ve been to my site, eh?
Brandon: yep.
me: How’d you like all the naked women?
Brandon: Great stuff.
me: Which site are we talking about?
Brandon: Um…[checking]…VegasPorn.com. No, I mean VeganPorn.com.
While he was checking I asked AngelA if we needed any penis enlarging pills. She said no.
me: There aren’t any naked women on that site.
Brandon: Errr… Let me check… “This is not an actual porn site” [likely from the Google description]. Ah. Um. What is this anyway?
me: It’s a news and information site for vegans. Vegans don’t eat meat eggs or dairy, and they have big dicks, so they don’t need your pills. You know, because they eat healthy and stuff and they get so much sex.
Brandon: Ok, yeah, I guess you, um…
me: Bye…
I normally try to keep telemarketers on the line for as long as I can, but this situation caught me a bit off balance. I’ve got his number from caller ID, and I’m kinda tempted to post it, but I think it’d be better if I just left things as they are. All in all, it’s an interesting life, being a vegan pornographer…
Complete left turn ahead: you may have overstepped your marketing campaign when you take a soccer action figure, put Spiderman’s head on it, and try to sell it as a “Spider Man Adventure Hero“. There’s a whole series of these, and if they weren’t $25 bucks a pop up here, I’d seriously consider getting some just because it’s so bizarre. It’s like putting a Darth Vader head on a My Little Pony and…hmmm…gotta go, there’s cash to be made!